Tough Love! Isn’t it needed for those we help transition into manhood?

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BillRoddy_ManhoodFTHood_FBArt_61913_49I had to discipline a young man I’ve been mentoring for several years.  He worked for our organization and successfully transitioned into a full time position with benefits.

He is still struggling to transition into manhood!

“Mr. Roddy, I’ve been working for this company for several years.  I think I should be getting a raise in pay and promoted.”

“Carl, what do you think you have done to merit an increase in pay and a promotion.”

“Mr. Roddy, I’ve always been on time, a team player and I think I am entitled to a raise and a promotion.”

Many of my conversations with youth and young adults inspire me to reflect on my childhood. I was raised in the 60s and the 70s. I had to share my thoughts.

“Carl, just because you’ve been in a position for a certain length of time doesn’t entitle you to anything.”

Our conversation was a challenge from there!

 

When did we as individuals and as a nation start thinking we are entitled to something that we don’t earn?

Is it a fear based mechanism we develop with the hope that someone else will take care of us?

 

Our conversation reminded me of my young life in Chicago.  My grandparents never let me off the hook.  I had to earn everything and there were no excuses.  I was irritated at them on many occasions. They often put my transitioning into manhood on hold.  As I matured, I admired their values and how they raised me.

“You are only entitled to what you have earned in our home.  After you leave our home it will be a rude awakening for you if do not understand what we are trying to teach you. We know you are upset with us. Perhaps years in the future you will grow to appreciate what we are sharing with you.

“Becoming a man entails understanding  many facets of life, son.” ~ My Grandfather, William Henry Roddy

 

How do we discipline those we mentor?

Are we so focused on “just being their friend” that we forget our roles as mentors, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and coaches?

And perhaps true manhood is a lifelong challenge!

 

 

Mentoring young men my life’s purpose!

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Realizing your life’s purpose does not shield you from life’s disappointments.

I had a lunch meeting with a young man I’ve mentored for many years. He has struggled over the years like most of us.

“Sebastian, how are you coming along with developing a relationship  with you sons and their mothers?”

“Well Mr. Roddy, I haven’t had much contact with them at all.  The mothers and I just can’t seem to come to an agreement on anything so I decide to walk away from the situation.”

“What do you mean you are walking away from the situations…………..?”

These type of conversations are the most painful I’ve had with young men.  They seem to think its acceptable to walk away from their responsibilities after bringing children into the world.  If obstacles or adversity present themselves some of them look for the nearest exit door.

 

Why do some men think ‘just walking away’ from their responsibilities is  acceptable? 

When did this ideology consume so many young men in our today’s culture?

 

While growing up in the 60s and 70s in Chicago I remember many conversations my aunts and I had about being responsible, respecting young women and not to bring a child into the world while being one myself.

I know I’m just one man trying to instill positive values into the young men I mentor.  As men, sometimes our  efforts don’t seem to make a difference.  When we see positive changes in one we press on to save one young life at a time!

 

 

When did you know that mentoring would be part of your life?

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As a young man leaving home for the first time in August 1975 to attend college, I knew mentoring youth eventually would be a part of life.

My young cousins stood on our front porch watching me leave. They admired me and at the same time were sad I was going away from them.  I was their older cousin and a big brother figure.

Venturing out in the world to this unknown place called Minnesota I remembered the overwhelming emotions of sadness, excitement and guilt of leaving my young cousins.  This was the first time in my life I truly felt vulnerable.

Cameron Conway, author of Caged: Memoir of a Cage-Fighting Poet said it best!

“Ultimate vulnerability. That’s manly.”

I remember those  feelings that day in 1975.  I know those feelings were instrumental in helping me mature. They also laid the foundation for me to realize my life’s purpose:

Guiding young men as they transition into manhood by helping them emotionally identify with all aspects of themselves.

Whatever path you walk I’m sure you’ve mentored someone whose life is forever enhanced!

How do you feel about being a mentor and transforming even one small corner of our world?

I’d love to hear about it!

Are we ultimately in the relationship building business?

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BillRoddy_ManhoodFTHood_FBArt_61913_43This evening I had an interesting conversation with a young man I’ve been mentoring for many years. He’s had a series of challenges in life like most of us.

Today was something special.  He’s learning an important aspect of life; how to establish long lasting relationships in his personal and business life!

“Mr. Roddy, I’m starting to realize you eventually have to make a living by doing things you love and focus on building loving relationships with your family.”

I listened to him share his thoughts, I wanted to jump up and down and give him several ‘high fives.’ I reminded calm and asked him a few more questions and listen.

“Bob, how did you come to these conclusions?”

“Mr. Roddy, I’ve been watching Mrs. Roddy and you for twelve years. It’s starting to make sense to me.  Most of my struggles in my relationship with my fiancée are results of my perceptions of what I thought a man should be.

“What made you reconsider your approach?”  “I remembered the conversations we had when I was young. “You always shared with me that when our thoughts about life cause us pain they are signals for us to look within so that we can examine our thoughts, behavior and actions towards others.”

“What has cause you pain in your relationship with your fiancée?”  “I was valuing things and money more than relationships.”

 

Wouldn’t all of us love to grow by learning the art of establishing long-lasting relationships?

Don’t you feel knowing that when relationships are established the sky is the unlimited in our personal lives and in business?

What will we value when it’s our time to leave this earthly body?

Would it be things we own, our net worth, names on buildings, or would it be the relationship we’ve established with love ones?”