Tough Love! Isn’t it needed for those we help transition into manhood?

BillRoddy_ManhoodFTHood_FBArt_61913_49I had to discipline a young man I’ve been mentoring for several years.  He worked for our organization and successfully transitioned into a full time position with benefits.

He is still struggling to transition into manhood!

“Mr. Roddy, I’ve been working for this company for several years.  I think I should be getting a raise in pay and promoted.”

“Carl, what do you think you have done to merit an increase in pay and a promotion.”

“Mr. Roddy, I’ve always been on time, a team player and I think I am entitled to a raise and a promotion.”

Many of my conversations with youth and young adults inspire me to reflect on my childhood. I was raised in the 60s and the 70s. I had to share my thoughts.

“Carl, just because you’ve been in a position for a certain length of time doesn’t entitle you to anything.”

Our conversation was a challenge from there!

 

When did we as individuals and as a nation start thinking we are entitled to something that we don’t earn?

Is it a fear based mechanism we develop with the hope that someone else will take care of us?

 

Our conversation reminded me of my young life in Chicago.  My grandparents never let me off the hook.  I had to earn everything and there were no excuses.  I was irritated at them on many occasions. They often put my transitioning into manhood on hold.  As I matured, I admired their values and how they raised me.

“You are only entitled to what you have earned in our home.  After you leave our home it will be a rude awakening for you if do not understand what we are trying to teach you. We know you are upset with us. Perhaps years in the future you will grow to appreciate what we are sharing with you.

“Becoming a man entails understanding  many facets of life, son.” ~ My Grandfather, William Henry Roddy

 

How do we discipline those we mentor?

Are we so focused on “just being their friend” that we forget our roles as mentors, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and coaches?

And perhaps true manhood is a lifelong challenge!

 

 

Relationships R Us

A dear friend quizzed me a few days ago

“Gail, I have just one thing I would sure like to know”

“When it comes to marriage, particularly your own

Is it a slam-dunk…would you claim it a success?

Or are there times you wish a return to a life of singleness?”

I furrowed my brow as I pondered while mute

Marriage, parenting, family and friends

These relationships flow through all our lives beginning to end

How do I answer her question and tell her the truth?

“Ah, my friend,” I finally responded

“Over the years, various connections with people have entered my life

Some connections are fluid, supportive; others are filled with strife”

“But one thing I know from the light in my heart

I do savor my marriage to Bill Roddy, until death do us part

And if I am the one rendered single that day

I can sit here before you and honestly say

No greater joy, no greater success hath this woman known

Than marriage, where sharing, comfort, and compassion have consistently grown”

Excerpts From Manhood From the Hood

The last several Mondays I have enjoyed posting the excerpts from Bill’s book, Manhood From the Hood. Bill’s book inspired me to reflect on my life, my family values and the many  high school youth I have had the honor to coach over the years. These are my last post and thanks for taking the time to read them.
“More excerpts from Manhood From the Hood by Coach Welter.”
69. What type of husband and father will I be?
70.What is an introspective journey?

71. Through my 8 year friendship with Gail Lamb, I was forced to learn how to develop an authentic, loving, caring, platonic relationship with a woman.72. Remain independent.  Make your own decisions.  Never ask anyone to so something for you that you can do for yourself.

73. To be an ambassador for the values my grandparents, aunts, and other adult mentors in our community, who cared about young people taught me while I was growing up in Chicago.

74. In July of 1997 – we founded Osiris Organization with great hopes for the future of our youth and our country.

Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood

We all have great people who passed through our lives when we were young. Some were of worldly esteem; most were not.

But all cared to share whatever they had with us. Some shared money; some shared time; some shared a simple kind word or phrase of encouragement or just random acts of kindness.

Their influence was immeasurable.  We have never forgotten it.

If they are still alive, find them and tell them how much they mean to your life. If they have passed on, tell them anyway. Either way your words will touch them and they will be in awe that their humble sharing meant so much!

“More excerpts from Manhood From the Hood by Coach Welter.”

57. Many years have passed and the past is the past.

58. My grandfather’s values are how we live our lives.  They taught me a lot.

59. Bill’s biological father Larry (Butch) worked at the Ford Motor Company plant in Indiana.

60. Aunt Sam taught me one of the most valuable skills in life – learning to read another person’s body language to be able to tell if they accepted you or rejected you.  She taught me this skill without so much as ever saying a word.  Aunt Sam was our family’s spiritual and emotional healer.

61. Meeting his biological father was a very healing event for Bill.

62. Baseball is about swinging the bat, not standing up there waiting for a walk. (Dale’s attitude)

63. Be the best man you can be.

64. Make sure you thank people who have helped you.

65. Values start in the home.  Mrs. Grass’ kindness taught me that.  (Chocolate chip cookies made with unconditional love by an angel)

66. What does it mean to be a patriarch?

67. Tennis is not an easy sport, but it is a great game.  Tennis and humility.