A powerful manhood moment!

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BillRoddy_ManhoodFTHood_FBArt_61913_44One of the most powerful statements made to me was from my biological dad. I had never met him only heard statements made from other family members over the years as a young man.

As I entered my later teens my desire to meet, hopefully establish a relationship, the other person who was responsibility for me being in the world became an obsessive curiosity.

I had to meet him to satisfy my curiosity.

One of my most powerful moments was meeting and hearing my biological father say these words to me:

 

“I am glad to hear from you.”

If you are mentoring youth do you share some of your most powerful emotional experiences with your mentee?  If not, why?

 

I know as an adult male, hearing those words from my biological father set in motion a healing, forgiveness and an acceptance process for me.

 

Meeting him helped me move on in life!

 

What memorable moments in your early childhood do your remember?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tough Love! Isn’t it needed for those we help transition into manhood?

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BillRoddy_ManhoodFTHood_FBArt_61913_49I had to discipline a young man I’ve been mentoring for several years.  He worked for our organization and successfully transitioned into a full time position with benefits.

He is still struggling to transition into manhood!

“Mr. Roddy, I’ve been working for this company for several years.  I think I should be getting a raise in pay and promoted.”

“Carl, what do you think you have done to merit an increase in pay and a promotion.”

“Mr. Roddy, I’ve always been on time, a team player and I think I am entitled to a raise and a promotion.”

Many of my conversations with youth and young adults inspire me to reflect on my childhood. I was raised in the 60s and the 70s. I had to share my thoughts.

“Carl, just because you’ve been in a position for a certain length of time doesn’t entitle you to anything.”

Our conversation was a challenge from there!

 

When did we as individuals and as a nation start thinking we are entitled to something that we don’t earn?

Is it a fear based mechanism we develop with the hope that someone else will take care of us?

 

Our conversation reminded me of my young life in Chicago.  My grandparents never let me off the hook.  I had to earn everything and there were no excuses.  I was irritated at them on many occasions. They often put my transitioning into manhood on hold.  As I matured, I admired their values and how they raised me.

“You are only entitled to what you have earned in our home.  After you leave our home it will be a rude awakening for you if do not understand what we are trying to teach you. We know you are upset with us. Perhaps years in the future you will grow to appreciate what we are sharing with you.

“Becoming a man entails understanding  many facets of life, son.” ~ My Grandfather, William Henry Roddy

 

How do we discipline those we mentor?

Are we so focused on “just being their friend” that we forget our roles as mentors, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and coaches?

And perhaps true manhood is a lifelong challenge!

 

 

The power of a loved one’s words!

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BillRoddy_ManhoodFTHood_FBArt_61913_50Can you remember a powerful statement someone made to you when you were young?

My grandfather and I met on our front porch on that memorable hot August afternoon on the west side of Chicago in 1975.  I was leaving home for the first time to attend college. Little did I know that day would be monumental.

I recall the overwhelming emotions as he spoke to me.

“Son, I am proud of you…………”

As a young man struggling to leave the nest and venture out into the world, my grandfather’s loving and powerful statement validated me as a man.  That was my rite of passage moment that I will never forget.

While mentoring young men for  20 years I have observed that for many no loving adult male figure has confirmed their transition into manhood.  Why do I know this to be true?   I can, feel and sense the uneasiness, pain and anger in them before they utter one single word.

Wouldn’t you agree that it is very powerful when a positive adult male confirms a young boy transitioning into manhood?

Wouldn’t it make a difference if all mentoring programs provided rites of passage ceremonies for young men and women?

Do you remember memorable words another person said to you?

“Do you remember the day, the event, when you knew…’Now, I truly am a grown man?'” Part 2

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African American father and sonIn August, it was the time I became a man in eyes of my grandfather.

Earlier in the summer, prior to leaving to attend college in Minnesota,  I had made contact with my biological for the first time in my life.  The experience of meeting my biological father for the first time was an overwhelming experience to say the least.

I was able to get in touch with, meet, and have a enjoyable conversation with Butch, the other person responsible for bringing me into the world.

My grandfather knew that I had made contact with my biological father.  One afternoon, Daddy and I were in our garage repairing the door when he asked me this unexpected question:

“What do you think of Butch?”

I quickly replied, “I did not mean any disrespect toward you and mamma.”

“Son, you are a man now. You can make your own decisions. Do what you think is best. I trust you.”

On that hot August afternoon I became a grown man in the eyes of my grandfather.  That was my rite of passage, my confirmation, an acknowledgement and a huge transition in my young life.

 

Do you remember an event, a conversation with your father, grandparent, older brother, uncle, adult male cousin, male teacher or coach who help you transitioned into manhood?

What did they say to you?

When did you know that you were a man?

Have you reached out to other boys by sharing your wisdom and understanding of manhood?

Isn’t it interesting to know that one of the most fulfilling aspects of my life is mentoring boys and helping them transition into manhood?

Happy Father’s Day to all of the wonderful and loving men who are making a difference in the lives of so many!

From My Heart to Yours!