“Do you remember the day, the event, when you knew…’Now, I truly am a grown man?'” Part 1

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African American father and son

As  we reflect on this upcoming Father’s Day weekend I could not help sharing one of the most powerful statements my grandfather made to me. I was 18 and preparing to leave home for the first time. I remember our conversation as if it took place only a few weeks ago.

 That entire summer was filled with excitement, happiness but also with sadness as I was preparing to transition into manhood. I would be leaving my mentoring role as the oldest grandchild of my grandparents.

Several of my aunt’s children lived with us, my grandfather and grandmother, and I was their mentor and “big brother.”  As I look back on those hot summer August days they were some of most the memorable.

I can still see my aunt’s loving and supportive faces, their kids innocent looks filled with curiosity on our front porch on why I was leaving them to go to this strange place in the north called Minnesota to attend college.

My grandmother stood in the doorway smiling at me as I was about to leave. When she smiled at me she touched my spirit like no other.

“We raised you the best we could and remember that you were loved! Do unto others as you would yourself as you enter the world.”

But a few days earlier, my grandfather made the most powerful statement.

Would a rite of passage benefit so many young fatherless boys?

What would be a useful rite of passage?

Would a loving relationship with an adult male help heal the inner loneliness and anger?

 

A Time To Reflect on the Past!

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Please read this wonderful the University of Chicago Magazine article.

Several months after I completed my memoir, Manhood From the Hood, I found out that Mike Fourcher’s dad in 1971 had taken many photos of my “hood” in inner city Chicago.  Back then the University of Illinois called it the “Valley” because they had setup a clinic in our neighborhood.  We never knew this is what they called our neighborhood.  We just lived our lives and this is the area where I learned my values.  So much of my book is dedicated to this area while living in the “Valley.”  This was our “village” and I am proud to have experienced growing in this area during the 60’s. Please view the photos after you read the article.

Please click on link to read full article.

http://magazine.uchicago.edu/1110/kelly_lost-and-found.shtml

Parents R Us!

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Once upon a time, youth held me true

Teasing my dad (did you do that too?)

I’d point, “Dad, that grey in your beard is telling on you!

I feel sad you’re so old

Your best years a memory

Dad, don’t you long to be ME

Fit, fine, and willowy?”

 

I’ve never forgotten my father’s retort

The memory resounds

With fatherly patience, eyes downcast,

Dad quietly responds

“Daughter, if the earth below you keeps rounding the sun

If the air through your nose keeps expanding your lungs

Then some youngster will tease YOU as YOUR knees creak

And you can answer yourself, that question so deep!”

 

Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood

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Webster’s II New College Dictionary defines “coach” as “one who gives private instruction…a private tutor.”

That kind of reminds us of the role of a parent. We give our children private instruction—we tutor them.

So even if you’ve never officially been a coach on the sports field, if you are a parent, you are a coach as well!

More from Coach Denny Welter and why he was so inspired by Bill’s stories of grandfather Roddy.

36. Don’t ask for something that you can do for yourself.

37. Never accept anything from anyone that you don’t earn.

38. How to refrain from getting young girls pregnant and should focus on going to college.

39. Make something out of yourself by going to college and getting an education.

40. My grandparents never talked to us about finances.

41. Study halls were temporary holding pens as far as I was concerned.  Respect education.

42. Obey the family values or there will be hell to pay.  Case closed.

43. Live under my grandparent’s strict, non-negotiable code of values.

44. Basketball is a chess game in motion.  You have to use your mind and intelligence to perform consistently and grow as a player.  First you have to master the fundamentals and then the sky is the limit.  Becoming a great basketball player is a long process.  It takes dedication and many hours of practice.

45. Use education to better yourself.

46. Ernest – What we talked about when we were together was more important than the amount of time we spent together.